Reasoning the Unreasonable~Where Hope Lies n Die

Me and Pakma

People around me come n go like wind. I miss them like breeze, just a feel n then all gone. Forever alone they said, but I will survive this, enduring this, even I have to crawl up n fall down as this what I have choose and what I wanna do.

In this stage I just fake everything. Emotion distorted, feeling faded, smile n laughter just a mere instrument; in the end, non are real. Lack of confident they said, but it just a natural mechanism to preserve what left while the integrity getting crumble. I have more believe in god rather to anyone around me, they seem unimportant since they are temporary, but when HE the one that send those people, I just accept them, they might be my saviour after all.

Its been a while I havent update anything n yet I barely get into my point. I wonder if I have one. I tried to grasp everything in the past, but I realize, they beyond my grasp. That the moment I walk away.

This is not a thesis, not a chapter 4 where result n discussion lies. I dun have to rearrange all the sub topics because non were read. It just burst of emotion even they are fake. I hav no audience neither a target, just a spare time to write n fill n forget.

Life is short n yet I waste it. People said I'm amazing! but is that true?... I seem to know everyone, but I barely know my self. I hate people pitying me,,, what the point? your sympathy could never save me just like comforting a hungry kitten, giving hope and a hope that die with a hope.

~Everyday is like other day, I will walk with them, but my shadow remain single~

Exam.... what is exam?

I think book look very good

but when see the exam time table.... gyaaaaa

Dear People, or bloggers,

April  would be my exam month... pls pray for my sake.... T_T....

I would do my best and I also pray that all my friends... only best friends.... and maybe a little for those I called friends... or maybe just them all.... that u will do fine in the incoming exam...

I dragged into what so called study group... but I think it's working....

No matter what your strategy are... (for those that take exam too)... do your best...

Dun do for your friends, family, pet? and whoever... Do for the sake of your self... because in that way you actually helping them all....

P/S: study hard and smart... but not that hard haha

Watch your mouth BITCH!

Today I really2 angry, let me be straight. my fat cousin (girl) back stab me… calling me black even-tough you are also black, won’t admit me as her cousin (like I want to admit you fat ass), plus her mom also kind of the same. What I do? NOTHING!. Whay they so noisy with me? They don’t give me money, comfort me, or what ever,,, Did I talk behind them? NO. Why I not really care about them?, because I do not really close to them… just in the name of uncle, auntie and nephew. Every one of the family feel angry with them, also my other nephew.

Her ambition to be a doctor, listen to me, that fat body of you won’t let you became a doctor! Now I pray you will not achieve anything. I never pay attention to you before this, but now I am. And I wishing for the worst! your current CGPA 3.00? and you currently in matrix program. Sincerely, you wont make it. You think because you a nephew, you can ask around people for their money, you know that your financial isn’t that strong and yet you treat people that support you like your Swiss Bank. You better watch out, they are losing their patient on you!

All the past 4 years I have be really2 patient with you family rude behavior. Now it payback time. I wont regret and you shall fall. Next time we meet, I’m not your cousin but your worst enemy. Btw, your rude behavior has make you to get lot enemy, you wouldn't get nowhere. Oh, your mom very2 concern about your fallen gred (I hope it keep falling), I can see from her eyes that looking at us (that have pass our degree and pursuing our master), she know you wouldn't became what you hope.

Let your dream parish, I will the one that lough at the end, and it always the same ending I see on people like you.

Cry BITCH!

Pura2 blogging.....

There was a tiny monster (aka nephew) beside me that try to lure me to left my lappy for him to play due to abundance of games in this lappy, but hahaha U won't get it! so what I do was just typing and typing till he get bored (unfortunately not)... for the past 20 minutes he keep talking about the game he have, what games u have, how difficult the mission uhhhh..... shu shu go away I wanna surfing haiz...

Right now I really in big problem... is there any exorcism ritual to chase away this kid haiz...... I am really paranoid with active children...

Yesterday tale

Today we was on the way to get back to campus after 3 days 2 night suffering in the remote areas of Lata Belatan,,,, uhh such many thing I dislike than I like... Why such feeling well because its not my standard after all.
anyway I manage to through this problems with such wanderful friends.. such lovely. At Lata Belatan, doing all the sampling was very not me, colllect this that but ok I manage. I have something in my head, well when two courses (Biology and Biodiversity) was put into one activities, I can see the competition, buit of course we are more brighter! Why its our job... thing that we just repeated,,, the knowledge was there.
Well below is something I listed for what I dislike most:
1. the room small (crazy laaa! Lata Tembakah is better)
2. the toilet (its stuck! the artificial submarine lunched by unknown species wont go through)
3. the food (I pay RM75! you think I what? a goat)
4. the place (bored)
5. the people (not fun at all)

but anyway there still some of human being part that feel pity for bio student since there never experience the field work, even GAP defination also wrong; some have trouble in making quadrate. well they should ask if dont know....
well from the brighter site, this field also was some message to bio that our work also have its own dificulties and interest beyond their level. What I try to say, we are equalvalence but in different perspectives.

going home with lots of stuff to finish was still a nightmare... I still need to submit the proposal.

oh forgot I have other thing to write but nvm next blog after Tuntung Trip... title (silent heart).