I though I lost her

Losing a friend?

Well last night was a very chaotic day in my friendship history. I didn't mind to lost any of my friends because they are just merely a friend. But losing a best-friends? nop nop nop. That was unacceptable. I do know she was very fragile, not sensitive to others also others that not sensitive to her,,,

I hope she read this that Im very sorry for all the miss communication and also lack attention given to you coz I'm barely trying to care of all heart of you people there. And therefore I missed you,

People do talk about you how you became ignorance and hurting other in a way you didn't notice, but for me its normal because that was you a past 2 years I have known you, yes people do change but most characteristic still there.

I recognize you as my best friend and I hope thing like this won't happen again. I also a fragile being; I think more fragile than you, easily break. I have more friends than you but they are like thorn in my heart. I treasure you as my friend and stand for you if you not there. "We" accept you as our best friends but sometimes there and not me wandering why you treat someone that not sharing everything with you like information, plan, fun, and what so ever, more than you treat us, we are here; your best friends. We need some attention and appreciation from you. We dunno if you afford to loss us. But I sincerely not.

"Friends is people that you can find anywhere, but best friends might come just one in thousand, they always thinking and taking you with them, share something they wont share with others, because you are more worthy to be with"

Problem teaching Us and teaching others

Abstract Suit Me Better Than Formal

Lately many thing unfavorable happen to me... its hurts and burden me much,,, where sometimes friend became enemy and rival became more supportive to myself. I hate problems and sickness. Hearing other people problem also hurting me deeply. Well a world free from problem was never exist. I realize that day by day I have became the old me,, negative,,, negative person. A type that not easily going well and where everything got filtered in my head.

However, Im glade that there still people that still support me and advise me. Sometimes I can became very naive and clumsy,,, sorry to other,,, I really want to finish this degree student life as quick as possible and get going to the next level far away from past memory.

Life isn't fair as always Jenny said....

For me life isn't fair if we keep thinking about we desire and when other get it easily but we have to work hard for it.

My FYP,,, hmm the cell contaminated and now its still in unfavorable condition. I really hope it will get ok soon. very soon...

Am I jealous about others? yes I am. I jealous. I want what they have,,, physically or materially. But as time goes on all gone like it is easily wipe out. Time a good medicine for me...

I hope problems can teach me well to get going as I want to live with life. Lastly, I just want to be myself... not other person, as other have idol for their motivation,,, I'm not, because I just want to be me, just me.

A deep n yet beautiful

"The greatest weakness of most humans
is their hesitancy to tell others
how much they love them while they're alive."

Orlando A. Battista

"Bright stars never leave. They die, yes, but remnants of greatness trail behind them, scarring the dark universe with light."

Comment from 15Malaysia

I desire death

I full with my hatred right now, I realize that there are many insignificance being around me and I didn't like it. If you cant make yourself useful to me than get away from my sight!

I hate to hate but when I start to hate nothing stop me even your tear just an entertainment to me. This demonic act have long imbue in me all this time. Cursing cursing cursing... I not even remember how many times have I repeat it. I hate too many stuff and always keep in my heart without I realize its now poisoning me. hahahaha Do I care? You insect just should die and anyway whose care with your insignificant life to me you just a tool.

Even if I cant parish you, I still can make your life harder than death it self. Don't talk big with me because you don't know me, You just know a smiling stupid character that cheering for other and wish for their happy ever after... and yes I do mean 'Happy ever after'; Till death I shall carry this hatred with me! and my curse will through your blood and even for last descendant of you.

Beware dont play with demon.... you don't know whose you play with... I never forgive and if I did that a lie... I'm not a fool or your entertainment,,, well if you don't have anything related with this post than feel free to relax maybe its not your turn yet...

FYP

Low has finish his fyp and I believe also Fong..... hmm Im tired... very tired... my life is tired. must act so that other wont hurt.............

If I being given either to live or to die.......

You know which I will choose....

I hate to get sweat, either to be worried...

I hate to be order and also giving order...

I hate to be bond with others but I dislike to be alone....

Too many hatred,,,, Too many sadness....

Non to share...

I hope,,,, my heart would stop beating, forever...

Lucky me not...

Why?
My handphone submerge in the swamp water!
Many FYP work to be done
Assignment!
Money...

Well, I think I have to survey on new phone and also just try to send the phone for repair. However... losing my phone shall slowing my information,,,, and assignment also. How I want to contact my friend!

But anyway.... never mind, this problem will gone someday... I hope there will be better luck after all this incidents... Must endure it.

Too lazy to update blog since, nothing interesting happen this time.... sry Jenny, I can't keep with your pace!

Story of star that sometimes bright and sometimes dim

Colour of Face

I have a special request to describe someone that we know,,,,,,,. this people we have know since first semester at UMT,,,, very bright, positive, righteous, and also friendly. For me She was a good friend ( as long she didn't back stabbing me or my friend ). At first semester, she was very energetic, seeing the spirit pumped us too. She was very friendly toward every single people including lecturer, however her friendly and self identity sometimes being miss understood as lobbying others but I know she not as other portrait it.

Being very different was sometimes hard; I know because I feel it too. The similarities between she and me is that we have a such unstable emotion, but the different is how we manage it. My advice to her; talking to others or making statement was very crucial with correct body language and the tone you use. Some people cannot respect or show other way to respect people, to survive in this condition you must keep the pace of your spirit down and slowly so that it wont be very obvious till the emotion resembled on your face. I also can see the different in her personalities in her; other say ''the dress isn't fit, the makeup weird! you cant wear that thick makeup in this very sunny day!". Sometimes I have to agree on those opinion. Fitting in other is not easy which you have to follow their step, sometimes we have to stand on what we believe but sometimes their are right and vice verse; this is the Quid pro quo (The price for that) where in order to have something there must be something you must exchange. Those that can fit and blend in other without sacrificing their identity was a survival of the fittest, those not fit shall be rejected and this is the normal way of the rule.

Back to the topic. At this final year many changes has happen to her; some describe it as personalities shock that happen when somebody exposed to many factor that might lead to confuse of self identity. Well for me, I accept as you can accept me; an advice again, those word are irritating for sure, people can say anything and none can stop that. Either you reject that or take that as an advice that comes in a bitter way, or seeing into your self. Denying own self was hurting but the achievement after that was sweet. Homo hominis lupus (Man's a predator to another man). Some say her voice was too loud and I happily can say yes! that truth! well in other perspectives that voice irritating their ears! since they are people that comes with very complex do and don't manner.... this kind of people mix with people that mostly comes from upper class than our the middle class. Knowing them before hating them is a wisdom of those survival; we cant blame them for the way they think or be because that way was far more evolve. And yet we will became like that when we got to that level. Dress resembling pride, makeup resembling pride, altitude resembling pride, this is the Vanitas vanitatum where all making up a complex personalities. Different people have different aspect of pride..... for me your voice have spirit in it, but the space belong to everybody; sometimes people have bad mood or memory, when a loud shock can irritate them..... we cant win all heart...

She have a good friends by her side; but can she prove to other that consider her as annoying girl that she can balance and change? can became very high level? can she amaze us? truthfully I also wanna see.... every people have a complex personalities, many have more than two personalities, but which are dominance to others? winning other people heart is not what I ask neither to became other than you wanna be. But sometimes, a surprise can change people mind. We wanna see can you adapt?

Too many I want to write; but the decision is still up to her, became your self doesn't mean became other; but it like a melody....