Do what you mean, Mean what you do

Feared not something that I enjoy (picture not belong to me)

I'm not a good looking person, neither rich, stylish, brilliant, well mannered, famous, but I do shine on my own way, at least I'm not borrowing the spotlight from anyone.

I dun have clear objective of my "material life", when I want to get married, what car I wanna drive, where I wanna work and etcetera.

Because I believe no matter hard hard I try to foresee the future, in the end it just a prediction, I just wanna go forward until I stumble upon something interesting.

Life is good,

When you wish for one,

Life is hard,

When you think it is.

Life is boring,

When you stop dreaming,

Life is meaning less,

 When you stop believing.

PS: Dear blogger and Friends, no matter how hard your life, there are others having more difficult life. Live you life to the fullest as long its in the range of your BELIEF and your capabilities. LOVE YOU and wish you the best! GL HF =3

Makwe / "Girl friend"

(Teknik Photoshop yg hancur)

 

 

Hari ni dalam kereta, mcm biasa aku duduk belakang, my sister driving n father at front sit, my mother beside me...

The car stop at traffic light..... RED

Mom: Ko bila nak bawak kereta?

Me: Suka duduk belakang (a simple answer, I not in mood to talk much)

Everyone: Laughing 

Mom: Ko dah ada makwe blum?

Me: Huh? (this a very rare question), Nop

Mom: You should find one! Many my student already engage or married!

Me: Maybe sometimes

Mom: Why dun you take "A" (better dun reveal the name)

Me: Already belong to somebody

Mom: Because you late...

Me: Not my interest, why you so busy.... you wanna married hah?

Mom: No laa.... Oh, how about that "B"?

Sister: I dun want her! (tetiba sebuk mcm dia nak kahwin)

Me: .............. (better shut my mouth, I will never win btw)

Dulu2 habiskan belajar dulu, jgn gatal2 nak makwe2..... now day... makwe or pakwe just like insurance heh?

Yar, I single, candidate for that "girlfriend"/makwe = nop..... I dun really prefer to 24 7 sms, call.... its boring... i get it through that time already.... instead of love.... actually caring that became love and later became annoying....

Maybe I would found one..... berserah jer kat tuhan..... XD

I feel uneasy with this new improvement!

see the two rubber bands? that to bring my upper teeth back ward, so that it align nicely btw the wire that look like Sun Wukong head band….. LOL. if u notice… on the upper teeth, below the straight wire that common to the bracer wearer, there are wires that tighten up like double helix to make sure my front upper teeth move in a set… (mcm org beratur tu gerak seragam jer)… this “accessories” like increasing my damage hahhaa…. calculate like this, rubber = +10 defense'; wire 50 attack and extra wire = 20 attack penetration… gosh I surely win… hahahahahaha…. it u ask me “does it painful?”… the feeling like hold your teeth with your finger and push it back or front… + chew some metallic item lol, k da,, got notes to read @_@

I never forgive, I never forget, by I do accept,

I'm sorry for everything happen. Part of those mistake from your side as well mine. I do not like to say "because human always made mistake", it just sound very childish. I'm sorry if I being very sensitive and at the same time insensitive to your feeling. But that is me.. Miss communication and long kept hatred worsen it all.

For now, let the past by pass. Acting as it never happen, gonna help a lot.
I never forgive and never forget, but if you and I, let it just pass by. And the memory blurred... consider it forgiven.

Do not worry about others perspective. They are my friends and also your friends. You might got place to cry on, but mine is them. The haze will clear, because my feeling and them work as one, because when I accept, they also would.

This should be a good lesson for both side. Taking people for granted never rewarding us.

I'm here to make friends. Being remembered and remembering, the feeling just much more worthy than a paper of the degree I got. Paper only show, but it never comfort you in time of difficulties.

Giving second chance never in my options. But for the sake of a new beginning, perhaps its worth something to try.

We hurt, we bleed, we feel. Never treat people as you think they might recover fast. Because there are always scar that remembering everything. People won't be same, that made us special, and that made us fragile, but when those colour of life combined, they actually works as one.

Boys.. girls... that just gender. Feeling and emotion just the same stuff. Either its hard as steel, calm as water, elastic as plastic or fragile as glass.You choose, what you wanna be... mine is glass.

The past is a past, but the scars remain - let time heals them. So it would be forgotten.

There are much to do, with less time to think - let us choose the better way and hope it the correct way.

My feeling still hurts but its getting well. Good luck to you and to me. This might be how god want us to learn, but somehow in a bitter way - and I hope we taste the bitterness as part of life.

-Sun do shine, Moon do glow-

Ghost of The Past

I missing my old self, my old-friend, but I buried him too deep - Please, Rest in Peace

I did once try to take him back, but I fail. My new-self too strong, bonded with everything around me, my friends, my emotion, my evolution. While the old, was too weak, fragile, and obedient, slaved by the time of maturity. Its kill him, hurting him, forcing him to be "other". 


Who is this actually him? Why did I care too much? Past is just a past, shadow of present. 


He is pure plain white paper, a personalities shaped with kind and truth. Neither sinister and rebellious act exist. Coloured with crayon and colour pencil. Not with water colour, printer ink or colour spray. On it, the most ugly drawing of bird you have seen, with false blend of colour; too good to be lough at and yet its pure and sincere. The  drawing is the view of life in his perspective, on which everything is kind and sincere. But when he meet others, being sad, being hurt; so the colour changed, the style became complex; and that the time he relize that, he have to die for other to born. So the new he buried the old one. 


Time is a cure and a killer. This "he" is my past. He must be remembered because he the window to the past; like an old picture that resembling memoir of the past.


[Like the bird on the drawing. It is ugly trash drawing. But it is bird, a symbol of heaven, because Angel got wings]


To the old-self, please rest in peace. Let me carry the burden so that you wont be tainted. Please remain pure, because you are relic of the past.

Upon your grave, I will build the future, even I have to colour all black. I wont let your sacrifice for nothing. Please pray for my luck, O my past.


                                                                                                                 Akmal Mahazar, 2011

Postgraduate….

this the status of my application at UPM…. and below is the offer letter from UPM

So we see.. gu gu gu

P/S: My butt already have a sit in UPMn sry for poor picture quality, dunno how to get a better snap

My current state...

After graduating from UMT... I had doing so well in managing my house..... (I dun work!)... wake-up on 9 a.m. tidy the house, feed the cat and cook for lunch... doing laundry.. but I cant wait to meet December. Usually I hate December, cause its the time when the school end, friends have to go separately, and your bank account all seem to be disabled.. but now I waiting the December in curious, further my study at UPM or UKM... btw I doing the coursework only, (my auntie said just to make sure you grade in correct date), I dun get what she mean, in my mind..... whateverrr.
Its damn boring at home, almost drain my sanity. I think I already insane since updating this blog also not in the top priority... as said by Kak Mai "dah lama tak update blog". At home I speak less and move less, there were days I almost not going anywhere, and some I just sit still in front of the lappy starring the screen, just to see if something new pop in the FB notification!
 Gosh I forgot to say something,,,
I still finding my true self, are you? not to be confused... building your self (which I mean) or being build into a person that the society or your friends, parent prefer. Many people aren't happy with their self since they just a model that suit the society or fit into it nicely but not in their soul, like a soulless puppet. When you try to be other, something that fit your self, there were always obstacles... this just a nature... those who fit shall survive. We can't run from being people that not our self... because we need to fit to survive. Those who excel in this,,, I call adapter, with the ability to adapt all state of environmental changes... that why we see people that can fit into all kind of society or bunch of people that something vary between each.... can you find one around you? Then you should learn and adapt like them.
Life is short, and yet it long... to those who understand. Endure it... and always remember, we always have choice....

RM 7, 000.00 in my mouth

I have being gone to my untie house at UK Perdana which a famous area with celebrity... p/s: their house not very pretty or big.... (I wonder where did they spent their money)

however, the main point,,, I had done bracer to rearrange back my teeth (hard to chew or speak fluently)........ now cant speak extremely fast and eat slowly,,, such a good manner I have.

The cost to make this bracer is very expensive for me but nvm, most of my friend got shock when I share this unrelated news with them... some of them though I was joking... (guys I never joke, I though U guys took it seriously!)

Let me give U some hint of my current look.... I got a line of wire at upper and lower teeth.... with the Upper front teeth were sealed with orange rubber,,, while the the rest are green,,, lower teeth were all blue..... (look like clown)

Dentist aka Untie (Dr.): which colour u want? we have blue, white, red orange etc

Me: I prefer orange: uh ok orange...

Dr.: Uh all orange colour finish.... no more u want other colour? oh u cant speak.... sry then I decide green (pandai2 jer makcik aku ni)

Dr.: alamak hijau pun habis.... gigi bawah ni biru lah...... ok siap...

Me: I feel like having all colourful stuff on my teeth....

Things I don't Like!

Akmal I know u love to do many stuff & have many interest... but they are things this person name akmal don't like:

1. Akmal dun like people to use its property like it was rented

2. Don't like to wait or make people wait.

3. Respect his space, because he need more clean air to think or he became insane

4. Don't bother with his money, he know where to spend it

5. If you plan to live in one roof with him, please be quite and have more sensitivity or you be cursed till death.

6. When it come to PROMISE make sure you keep it. Or he will not promise you anything.

7. If you not his OFFICIAL friends that stated in his friendship list, dun act like one. That the moment you became his OFFICIAL enemy.

8. If he is silent that mean he is angry with somebody near him.

Hope this tips let you more aware of people name Akmal. Because he didn't mind to be a demon if he want to...

I though I lost her

Losing a friend?

Well last night was a very chaotic day in my friendship history. I didn't mind to lost any of my friends because they are just merely a friend. But losing a best-friends? nop nop nop. That was unacceptable. I do know she was very fragile, not sensitive to others also others that not sensitive to her,,,

I hope she read this that Im very sorry for all the miss communication and also lack attention given to you coz I'm barely trying to care of all heart of you people there. And therefore I missed you,

People do talk about you how you became ignorance and hurting other in a way you didn't notice, but for me its normal because that was you a past 2 years I have known you, yes people do change but most characteristic still there.

I recognize you as my best friend and I hope thing like this won't happen again. I also a fragile being; I think more fragile than you, easily break. I have more friends than you but they are like thorn in my heart. I treasure you as my friend and stand for you if you not there. "We" accept you as our best friends but sometimes there and not me wandering why you treat someone that not sharing everything with you like information, plan, fun, and what so ever, more than you treat us, we are here; your best friends. We need some attention and appreciation from you. We dunno if you afford to loss us. But I sincerely not.

"Friends is people that you can find anywhere, but best friends might come just one in thousand, they always thinking and taking you with them, share something they wont share with others, because you are more worthy to be with"

Silents

Its have been a while I didn't update anything... but now I think its ok...
I have been busy with my FYP (Final Year Project) not busy doing it, but busy to understand every inch of it... I'm not that 'biology' but I like to try something new... fall is not an option for me.. but I think I would be fine since I have lots of friend at my back. I actually want to go home since my mother miss me so much,,, but well the problem is my mother have to go for family kenduri arwah... the surprisingly ''when I say: never mind mom, may be next time; my mom say: sorry, I'm sorry...''
In my family the word resemble 'apologize' was rare.... well its something I can't describe by word.
Let me tell you something; I was very disappointed with my friend,,, can't they learn to respect others people belonging,,,, hoping for better from others but you didn't give them anything. I always remember 'you want something, you must give something'. And once my friend comes I can feel they don't like it very much, I do tolerate with their friend. Why can't they tolerate with mine. I don't like this imbalance.
Now, I just keep silent; I don't want to take any action just concentrating on my FYP, since I do it with a great students and Lecturer.
Maybe some of you think silent was too odd for me but true is this was one of my separate personalities 'The Silents'.

Too much hatred, Too much thinking.... I'm devouring my own self...