I though I lost her

Losing a friend?

Well last night was a very chaotic day in my friendship history. I didn't mind to lost any of my friends because they are just merely a friend. But losing a best-friends? nop nop nop. That was unacceptable. I do know she was very fragile, not sensitive to others also others that not sensitive to her,,,

I hope she read this that Im very sorry for all the miss communication and also lack attention given to you coz I'm barely trying to care of all heart of you people there. And therefore I missed you,

People do talk about you how you became ignorance and hurting other in a way you didn't notice, but for me its normal because that was you a past 2 years I have known you, yes people do change but most characteristic still there.

I recognize you as my best friend and I hope thing like this won't happen again. I also a fragile being; I think more fragile than you, easily break. I have more friends than you but they are like thorn in my heart. I treasure you as my friend and stand for you if you not there. "We" accept you as our best friends but sometimes there and not me wandering why you treat someone that not sharing everything with you like information, plan, fun, and what so ever, more than you treat us, we are here; your best friends. We need some attention and appreciation from you. We dunno if you afford to loss us. But I sincerely not.

"Friends is people that you can find anywhere, but best friends might come just one in thousand, they always thinking and taking you with them, share something they wont share with others, because you are more worthy to be with"

Problem teaching Us and teaching others

Abstract Suit Me Better Than Formal

Lately many thing unfavorable happen to me... its hurts and burden me much,,, where sometimes friend became enemy and rival became more supportive to myself. I hate problems and sickness. Hearing other people problem also hurting me deeply. Well a world free from problem was never exist. I realize that day by day I have became the old me,, negative,,, negative person. A type that not easily going well and where everything got filtered in my head.

However, Im glade that there still people that still support me and advise me. Sometimes I can became very naive and clumsy,,, sorry to other,,, I really want to finish this degree student life as quick as possible and get going to the next level far away from past memory.

Life isn't fair as always Jenny said....

For me life isn't fair if we keep thinking about we desire and when other get it easily but we have to work hard for it.

My FYP,,, hmm the cell contaminated and now its still in unfavorable condition. I really hope it will get ok soon. very soon...

Am I jealous about others? yes I am. I jealous. I want what they have,,, physically or materially. But as time goes on all gone like it is easily wipe out. Time a good medicine for me...

I hope problems can teach me well to get going as I want to live with life. Lastly, I just want to be myself... not other person, as other have idol for their motivation,,, I'm not, because I just want to be me, just me.

A deep n yet beautiful

"The greatest weakness of most humans
is their hesitancy to tell others
how much they love them while they're alive."

Orlando A. Battista

"Bright stars never leave. They die, yes, but remnants of greatness trail behind them, scarring the dark universe with light."

Comment from 15Malaysia

I desire death

I full with my hatred right now, I realize that there are many insignificance being around me and I didn't like it. If you cant make yourself useful to me than get away from my sight!

I hate to hate but when I start to hate nothing stop me even your tear just an entertainment to me. This demonic act have long imbue in me all this time. Cursing cursing cursing... I not even remember how many times have I repeat it. I hate too many stuff and always keep in my heart without I realize its now poisoning me. hahahaha Do I care? You insect just should die and anyway whose care with your insignificant life to me you just a tool.

Even if I cant parish you, I still can make your life harder than death it self. Don't talk big with me because you don't know me, You just know a smiling stupid character that cheering for other and wish for their happy ever after... and yes I do mean 'Happy ever after'; Till death I shall carry this hatred with me! and my curse will through your blood and even for last descendant of you.

Beware dont play with demon.... you don't know whose you play with... I never forgive and if I did that a lie... I'm not a fool or your entertainment,,, well if you don't have anything related with this post than feel free to relax maybe its not your turn yet...

FYP

Low has finish his fyp and I believe also Fong..... hmm Im tired... very tired... my life is tired. must act so that other wont hurt.............

If I being given either to live or to die.......

You know which I will choose....

I hate to get sweat, either to be worried...

I hate to be order and also giving order...

I hate to be bond with others but I dislike to be alone....

Too many hatred,,,, Too many sadness....

Non to share...

I hope,,,, my heart would stop beating, forever...

Lucky me not...

Why?
My handphone submerge in the swamp water!
Many FYP work to be done
Assignment!
Money...

Well, I think I have to survey on new phone and also just try to send the phone for repair. However... losing my phone shall slowing my information,,,, and assignment also. How I want to contact my friend!

But anyway.... never mind, this problem will gone someday... I hope there will be better luck after all this incidents... Must endure it.

Too lazy to update blog since, nothing interesting happen this time.... sry Jenny, I can't keep with your pace!

Story of star that sometimes bright and sometimes dim

Colour of Face

I have a special request to describe someone that we know,,,,,,,. this people we have know since first semester at UMT,,,, very bright, positive, righteous, and also friendly. For me She was a good friend ( as long she didn't back stabbing me or my friend ). At first semester, she was very energetic, seeing the spirit pumped us too. She was very friendly toward every single people including lecturer, however her friendly and self identity sometimes being miss understood as lobbying others but I know she not as other portrait it.

Being very different was sometimes hard; I know because I feel it too. The similarities between she and me is that we have a such unstable emotion, but the different is how we manage it. My advice to her; talking to others or making statement was very crucial with correct body language and the tone you use. Some people cannot respect or show other way to respect people, to survive in this condition you must keep the pace of your spirit down and slowly so that it wont be very obvious till the emotion resembled on your face. I also can see the different in her personalities in her; other say ''the dress isn't fit, the makeup weird! you cant wear that thick makeup in this very sunny day!". Sometimes I have to agree on those opinion. Fitting in other is not easy which you have to follow their step, sometimes we have to stand on what we believe but sometimes their are right and vice verse; this is the Quid pro quo (The price for that) where in order to have something there must be something you must exchange. Those that can fit and blend in other without sacrificing their identity was a survival of the fittest, those not fit shall be rejected and this is the normal way of the rule.

Back to the topic. At this final year many changes has happen to her; some describe it as personalities shock that happen when somebody exposed to many factor that might lead to confuse of self identity. Well for me, I accept as you can accept me; an advice again, those word are irritating for sure, people can say anything and none can stop that. Either you reject that or take that as an advice that comes in a bitter way, or seeing into your self. Denying own self was hurting but the achievement after that was sweet. Homo hominis lupus (Man's a predator to another man). Some say her voice was too loud and I happily can say yes! that truth! well in other perspectives that voice irritating their ears! since they are people that comes with very complex do and don't manner.... this kind of people mix with people that mostly comes from upper class than our the middle class. Knowing them before hating them is a wisdom of those survival; we cant blame them for the way they think or be because that way was far more evolve. And yet we will became like that when we got to that level. Dress resembling pride, makeup resembling pride, altitude resembling pride, this is the Vanitas vanitatum where all making up a complex personalities. Different people have different aspect of pride..... for me your voice have spirit in it, but the space belong to everybody; sometimes people have bad mood or memory, when a loud shock can irritate them..... we cant win all heart...

She have a good friends by her side; but can she prove to other that consider her as annoying girl that she can balance and change? can became very high level? can she amaze us? truthfully I also wanna see.... every people have a complex personalities, many have more than two personalities, but which are dominance to others? winning other people heart is not what I ask neither to became other than you wanna be. But sometimes, a surprise can change people mind. We wanna see can you adapt?

Too many I want to write; but the decision is still up to her, became your self doesn't mean became other; but it like a melody....

A long break

Its have been a long time I didnt update anything into this blog. not because nothing to say but sometimes things a not mean to say.

Well its raya after all. Not to be hypocrite, I not a raya fanatic people; raya or not raya..... have less means in my life, as long i finish my duty as a follower. I feel sad for Jenny to be left by her flight and sorrow to Leo that we left alone at home; there are not Muslim but however in my life dictionary no matter who your friend are, if you was their truly friends; we must treasure them.

A first raya was annoying and good thing to me. annoying when people came and act like they know you for a long time; the good thing is that I had visit my long passed grandmother.

Well I have to leave for now, till we meet again.... tata

Wanna See Dead Like Me - Life After Death

Horror or Funny
p/s: I think both

Tonight just pampered my self with a movie of Dead Like Me - Life After Death, and well it is a good movie,,, well I recommend for those to watch it!

The ending song was also great,,, even it sound funny to my ears.
So check it out ya!

Silent Heart

To feel what love is, is something rare for me,
To know the person shade was only thing I can,
To grab the scent was far from my ability,
To wait the person wish for me was a suffering,
To know my time gone, was a hurt,
To feel to be love, was everyone wish,
But to feel the love from the person........ will never be....
My self perish in mist...

I have a feeling to someone, but I don't feel I can be match with this person, therefore, I let the feeling gone, closing the heart was a cheat. But I did seal the feeling in a box within the arcade of my heart.

Given up this fast was must; as it will protect me from cutting my self deeper.

Reading this part for some of you, that has known this soul quite a well was something indeed impossible from me. But this is the feeling and memory I want to share a bit,,, as the secret of truth shall sleep beneath my arcade forever.

As time pass by I hope my time to be loved and to give love,,, shall cross.
This selfish wish of mine, comes from a empty soul,,,
For even a small of dust,,, or a tick of time; I just want to feel those feeling.....

And then my soul shall rest in peace as I known there something to be remember, even though my self shall not be remember.

Burning Candle was too noble to suit me, perhaps shade was better; as shade always behind and never being look at, as the shade it self can only grasp the figure it admire and never the reality.

Till the time comes, the silent heart wait...

Back there at Tuntung Conservation (PERHILITAN)

Tuntung

70 years old at his dead

With En. Fazlin (this picture weird, maybe I not posing well)

Rm 50000 first comes first serve

Engagements

Well not bad going to the Tuntung Conservation place after all just no kipas lerrrr.. The sad thing is that the place have to function very very limited equipments... I hope kerajaan Malaysia would foresee their (PERHILITAN at remote area) hard time,,, I think its better to reduce cost on event n partying or whatever event for those VIP and VVIP... relocate the money to this program or others program like it. Isn't it better for them? from continuously in bitter.

Huhuhuhu funny thing is when talking about bontot shamin hahahahahha what a breaking news!

Some of the girls want to look for Jenny post to view it LOL!

Its fun when became close to others...

On Air

Now going home!!! I in my way to got home now in the middle of somewhere, and tonight huhuhuhu,,, more story and myth,,, I have show my friends blog to Linda and Illi,,, just want to give some spirit of blogging to them... so that there are more friends in here! to share.

We just gone to Tuntung Conservation at Kuala Berang Terengganu... Have many beautiful picture of what we say exotic animals.

For those that eat them please stop!

I love those tiny guys....

Mixed days

Lata Tembakah Gap area

Me and Lun Lun (I have a big nostril for better breathing n Jenny very jealous with it)

Hahaha Jenny photo contast

Jenny yg tengah tido (Muka mcm panda kata Brox)

Broadband sim baru ganti, cost me additional RM5 for next bill!

My greatest apologize since the previous blog should be post yesterday but some how my broadband sim damage with whatever reason. The important thing is now its ok... I have finish my proposal gladly, even though I have to print it 3 times! since all the page were senget!!!!!!!!!! How frustrating...
Oh Jenny hahahaha you think I didn't have any backup plan? here your picture gagaaggagagaaa..... This morning gone to Tuntung Breeding place or conservation,,, tah I don't know... but nvm meet this morning everyone!

Yesterday tale

Today we was on the way to get back to campus after 3 days 2 night suffering in the remote areas of Lata Belatan,,,, uhh such many thing I dislike than I like... Why such feeling well because its not my standard after all.
anyway I manage to through this problems with such wanderful friends.. such lovely. At Lata Belatan, doing all the sampling was very not me, colllect this that but ok I manage. I have something in my head, well when two courses (Biology and Biodiversity) was put into one activities, I can see the competition, buit of course we are more brighter! Why its our job... thing that we just repeated,,, the knowledge was there.
Well below is something I listed for what I dislike most:
1. the room small (crazy laaa! Lata Tembakah is better)
2. the toilet (its stuck! the artificial submarine lunched by unknown species wont go through)
3. the food (I pay RM75! you think I what? a goat)
4. the place (bored)
5. the people (not fun at all)

but anyway there still some of human being part that feel pity for bio student since there never experience the field work, even GAP defination also wrong; some have trouble in making quadrate. well they should ask if dont know....
well from the brighter site, this field also was some message to bio that our work also have its own dificulties and interest beyond their level. What I try to say, we are equalvalence but in different perspectives.

going home with lots of stuff to finish was still a nightmare... I still need to submit the proposal.

oh forgot I have other thing to write but nvm next blog after Tuntung Trip... title (silent heart).

Vacation or Suffering

Currently going to Lata Belatan, for some massy field work,,, zzzz with all the leench and insect this is my biggest suffering for this week after presentation...

Presentation, presentation and whatsoever,......

What I want to say is not related with the title....
I being ignored!

Out SideThe Box

Try to dive into other people thinking was hard; and harder when you actually hate him/her very much. However, people unusually try to put their place in those people that their like or dislike; substituting to feel how to be in that place was rare... the tendency why people love to feel right was because they feel secure that way; however, that was a fake victory, a cloud of weakness to their own reflection. Some people say friend like a mirror to you, but what if I say; those word is twisted by whom that try to disguise them self with other people perfection. All was about perspective; seeing from different angle of life and personalities. Why did human was very hard to predict? That because they have emotion, simply to say emotion was complex and changeable. This post of mine may have became from my simply minded and might be not; the meaning might be true and might be not. Some say there are no evil nor wrong; its only individual either it fit or not. Another question; will you kill a baby if being told? of course not... but, how if you being told about the greatest sin shall he committed in the future? This when the silent shall take place. Judging people and labeling them bad was indeed wrong for some opinion, and other say it for awareness and giving advice to others. But how if that individual only bad to you and good to others? Shall we say him bad? Question, question and more thinking. People say it is wise if you thinking whit your brain and your heart; but in my perspective, one should think and feel using both and also to see from different angle of life, not for decision, but for knowing. Sometimes some question never have answer...

Silents

Its have been a while I didn't update anything... but now I think its ok...
I have been busy with my FYP (Final Year Project) not busy doing it, but busy to understand every inch of it... I'm not that 'biology' but I like to try something new... fall is not an option for me.. but I think I would be fine since I have lots of friend at my back. I actually want to go home since my mother miss me so much,,, but well the problem is my mother have to go for family kenduri arwah... the surprisingly ''when I say: never mind mom, may be next time; my mom say: sorry, I'm sorry...''
In my family the word resemble 'apologize' was rare.... well its something I can't describe by word.
Let me tell you something; I was very disappointed with my friend,,, can't they learn to respect others people belonging,,,, hoping for better from others but you didn't give them anything. I always remember 'you want something, you must give something'. And once my friend comes I can feel they don't like it very much, I do tolerate with their friend. Why can't they tolerate with mine. I don't like this imbalance.
Now, I just keep silent; I don't want to take any action just concentrating on my FYP, since I do it with a great students and Lecturer.
Maybe some of you think silent was too odd for me but true is this was one of my separate personalities 'The Silents'.

Too much hatred, Too much thinking.... I'm devouring my own self...

So busy even not

I hav many thing to be done, but very busy with other stuff. to tell you, i have something that in very dislike happening around me. but nvm I lack of time to tell you, maybe next free moment. ok bye2

Hate n Love ?

I can't say much about what hate or love is....cause I don't know the definition for both... some might think I differ from others.. but what can I say.. I just a friend type n not a love type.. sincerely I treasure my friend very much,, I'm very choosy in picking friends..not because there are not good or what so ever,,, but as I know most of my friend are not very normal.. for me they not because there have there own altitude and behavior that make them they.. I accept it even though its bitter and eyesore.

Here some of the name that some of you might recognize and what make them special for me and if your name not listed; that mean I didn't have enough time to wrote:

Kamil: very simple minded person, however a friend in joy ( I need one)

Badri: ohwww this very different, but I trust him the most; where all the secret I share. He is a good person if you know him better; very complex mind, hard to understand n never talk bad. I hope he know that I want to graduate together with him.

Acab: interesting very dirty thinking but I can depend on him.

Syafiq: kuat merajuk kalah aku! but very tolerate. Became dangerous when he like to keep all the hatred and sadness alone. (every people have problem and sadness; if you can observe it to their heart you can became an excellent friend type person)

Amir: I know he has many secret but I won't interfere with it. because all the matter are not interesting for me to know.

Leo: At the first time we talk, he like to throw out every sentence in his mind... very annoying. but now he change completely with better understanding. I like him becoz of he concern to others. Something most ppl lack today.

Shamin: I hate him and I like him. a very complex person to understand and that make me stick to know him.... a person that I know will survive without other at his back.

Sam: I can't talk much I dunno him to the core, but my advice to those lover since he was a very lovely person to girls; if you love somebody very much plz open your mind together with your heart so that you know that you are not fooling your self with uncertain matter.

Tan: he like my brother, I like him even though he not very dependent, I like him the way he is. Such a sweet person.

Low: a big brother, I hope he will found his dearest ppl. Such a romantic person. I know...

Jenny: A very nice person, from the first I meet her, she was very beautiful.... I hope she can diet a little. I like to see her smile... a very nice and fun person.. like to work with her...

Jihan: I dunno her much, but she always being good to me and I think that enough to call her a friend of mine.

Zatil: My first girl friend, not this ''GIRL FRIEND''. I can talk much with her,,, very simple minded and easily predicted. She has a nice heart and much hatred to informal behavior and life style... (understand your.... and he shall understand you; this what a friend of mine told me and I give it to you)

Zila: what I know a friend of Jenny.....

So many people I want to talk about.... but I afraid I can't.

I accept them that accept me. for me my friends was a part of my self, even they not need me, I do need them a lot. However life must move on, and next year after graduation we shall follow our own path.

Every time I gone to my classes, I just wish to see my friend smile back to me and that just enough. Because we must not hate someone that have became part of our self.. Myself.

pokya part 3 (the seleb and the malaysia)

How should i tell u....
ok the right is me and the seleb (Zul), while on the right is the malaysia (acab)..

Zul was Acab friend, come to our life Pokya House as a DOTA rival, and that how what happen..
Well the only thing that comes and resonance all ppl in my house is DOTA, Lough and yell together... and I hate sam, he has become very good rival.. to me. but its ok.

Today was a very sleepy day, because Badri became vampire or night stalker... he can sleep for 12 hours that was very shocking and a record breaking..... and I want to clear thing he sleep at 6 a.m. to 6 p.m.

well.. today was zatil mother birthday, I just want to say.... you have a very good daugther even sometimes she annoying... I wonder where does that comes from... I hope some one can tell me how to link anything I wrote to other blog??

And for who that know Acab he has a super weapon, ask him if u desire to know. However u will loss.....

pokya part 2

At my back was child name Leo, a very annoying at first but blend with us at last. saved by her girlfriend, and be close to us......
Leo now staying at our house, with his own room, just give him some privacy since he not use to be so opened in term of private thing... (p/s: we better never try to know)

today was a very dizzy thing, get up at 6.00 a.m. then sleep and wake at again at 8.20 a.m. Kamil said no class,,,, actually have.
gone with Amir like craze to kuliah and in front of the door..... we stop and thinking should we open it? I take a walk and change my mind about having lecture this morning and surprisingly! Amir follow also hahahahahahhaha.....

What we do next, was easily preparing to meet our supervisor....

HEHEHHEH sometimes I also can't understand what I'm doing.....

My sub-conscious mind has awaken..

Pokya company part 1

hahahhahaha kami bersama! hahahah malam nni teruk aku kena buzz kat YM, mcm2 org ada. but aku ni peramah orangnya! so sentiasa berfikiran terbuka.....
Sembang ngan Jen mmg best... sembang ngan Zatil pun sama... heheheh untung dpt kwn mcm nii...
tp kandungan cerita x leh bagi tau mmg LOL bangat! tp bkn notty no no no...
Sem potong rambut baru sama ngan Syafik hehhehe....
semangat sem baru... yor transform!
kelakar2 tp itu hak individu guyguuguguuu........
ah aku nak cerita pasal kawan aku nama Shamin kadang2 marah kadang aku kesian kat dia nii... tp dia ni x sensitif langsung maybe sbb tu dia survive ngan segala tomahan aku, ........

Gambar paling hodoh penah aku tangkap...
sbg fotographer agung mmg memalukan!
tp ni lah kwn aku yg sengal...
kepada memakwa yg kat luar tu kalau rasa nak dilukai amik lah dia!

K lah dah banyak aku mengarut kat cn...
kita jumpa esk dgn kawan bernama LEO
huhuuh nama romantik tp dah berpunya so korang melepas....
jgn mimpi nak rampas dia,,, makwe dia ahli gusti terkenal kat UMT...........
Bye..

Presentation

Li presentation going well!!!
what funny is the all trainee from GEC made the lecture LOL hahahahhaa...
we dominate...
well my presentation at the video part the computer hang! badly hang SHIT...'
but nvm I have continue it professionally huhuhuhu....
and the important part I got best presentation gagaggaa

All coming back to me!

My lazybones behavior, have eating me!
tonight so many thing to do,,,,
my last advice to all my friends that shall present the LI report pls have confident in your self...

without confident u like a people that hoping other to help u rise to the surface.

k lah, have thing to do. good luck to all and may god be wif u.

Penguin

Rasa mcm nak belajar guna Linux OS tp x tauhu, coz dah banyak kali dulu aku try lah nak guna tapi aku guna hanya setakat install and rosakkan komputer aku ,,, aku rasa aku dah salah step dalam pembelajaran dan juga masa install,,,, komputer aku dulu pun x support!

Aku baru beli rantai.... yes i mean rantai like above at UMT konvo shop,,, I like it,,, the old necklace dah rosak. so buy baru,,,,, larger than before,,
Malam ni x pegi pesta konvo coz baru bgn tidur... sob terlepas n my friend that said didn't want to go, left me! while im sleaping... so rude. Don't blame me if I ignore U remember I have my own way to revenge that! kk... I want to finish up my presentation bye for now...

Finally !

Waaa its easy but I looping around!
nak faham semua ciri-ciri kat blogger punya setting and add-on mmg cukup memening kan aku but anyway its fun......
well i don't like to keep thing blank... that why i put all my effort into it.. sry cause my langgue mix between malay and english huhuhuu, luckly i don't use my etnic langguage...(java or bengkhulu) gigigii...
for ppl that not understand certain langguage you can ask me.... I will give u the translation.
I want to show a picture that i treasure so much because i think its pretty and everyone inside it was with their pure heart, how i know that was a secret....

See.... I LIKE IT (picture).. that male student was my friend and he was a Chinese! hahahhaa.... using only my laptop web cam... but the result and the feeling inside the pic has a deep meaning to me.. ah, everyone have their own stuff, thing that they love most! so, remember don't take other ppl things without their permision cause u don't know how valuable that stuff to them..... I always hope the best for my friend, yes indeed sometime I was irreasonable to my friends, but that because that how I show that I care them so much since I do not have many friend. I hope their friendship strong, eventhough that was their memory, I always wish just to get a bit of it; so that it shall be a memory that I will always remember....

Huhuhu enough with this selfish feeling..... hmm, I have many work to do but I delayed it.
Lazy lorrrr....

Actually something wandering in my head, can we wrote anything we like here???? I think I miss use blogger and turn it to be like my diary! LOL.... I am miss use it hahahhahahha aku x sangka aku mudah terbawa-bawa bicara ini dgn jauh! Anyway I want to thank Zachiru coz helping set-up many things here! hey teach me how to put da chat add on ! [ Its me! look!>>>>>>>>>>

Hehheeh i manage grrrrrrrrrrrr....

Hohoho im so talented sometimesss
don't get jealous.... going for Solat Subuh!

WTF

I am totally noob! i can't even find the button to view other ppl blog!
oh gosh....

kadang2 kita ingat kita dah pandai tapi ada lah banyak lg yg kita tak tau...
huhuhu, oh yer sbb utama kenapa aku rasa bleh keep going buat benda ni coz aku br beli celcom broadband!!!! hihihihi.... fun fun fun.... hmmm

senang skit kerja aku....

beginer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i did it

this is my first post for my blog! i cant believe it.........
thanks to zachiru and booney_aim for their will that they injected into me!!!

waaaa typing in english make me sweat! malay arrr.....
lega sikit.. banyak kerja nak buat sbg seorang mahasiswa, tp malaslah wat blog dulu heheheheh..

funggi blog?

aku pun tak tau, menyampaikan atau meluahkan perasaan? bg aku tak kot, maybe untuk mengikuti perkembangan semasa hahahhaa...... (ayat ni bkn mcm aku, if u now me)

however, maybe aku akan guna blog untuk salurkan pendapat or kongsi buah fikiran aku yang kadang x keluar kat public.... heheh wish me luck!